Sex positive parenting is more than just about being the cool parent.
It’s about:
- creating a safe and open environment where our children can feel comfortable asking questions and exploring their curiosity
- empowering them to make informed decisions about their bodies
- helping them develop a healthy and positive attitude towards sex.
With the growing use of the Internet and social media, it’s no longer about protecting our children from learning about, talking about, or even having sex. It’s scary how readily available porn is nowadays.
All the more reason for us as parents to initiate and lead the conversation on sex and sexuality with our children.
Sex positive parenting emphasizes open communication, respect for individual choices, and acceptance of diverse sexual identities.
It involves equipping our children with the information they need to navigate this confusing world with confidence, knowing when to say no and what to do if they want to say yes.
As a sex positive parent, I want my children to know from a young age that they can trust me to support their choices without shame or judgment.
Read on to find out how I’m embracing sex positive parenting and why you should, too.
Understanding Sex Positive Parenting
What Is Sex Positive Parenting?
Sex positive parenting is not about encouraging children to engage in sexual activity before they are ready.
Rather, it is about providing them with the knowledge and tools to make informed decisions about their bodies and relationships.
It involves teaching young kids about consent, pleasure, and healthy relationships in a safe environment where they are comfortable asking questions.
Why Is Sex Positive Parenting Important?
Sex positive parenting is important because it helps children develop a healthy attitude towards sex and sexuality.
Having sex positive parents and caregivers prepares and enables children to make informed decisions about their bodies and their relationships, and it helps to prevent negative outcomes such as unintended pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, and sexual abuse.
I only learned about sex during my adolescence, and I got my limited information from friends and a short sex ed class.
None of them really armed me with the knowledge I needed to protect my sexual health or prepared me for the discomfort and awkwardness of my first time having sex.
Instead of learning through the experience and knowledge of others, I had to learn the hard way.
So, I’m going to do differently for my children.
The Role Of A Sex Positive Parent
I believe that sex education is an ongoing conversation that starts at a young age and continues throughout a child’s life.
The more you talk about it, the more normalized it’s going to get.
How To Initiate The Dialogue With Your Child
One of the most important aspects of being a sex positive parent is initiating the conversation about sex and sexuality with your child.
This can be a daunting task for many parents, myself included, but it is essential to start the conversation early and often.
I want the go-to source for all thing sex and relationships to be me. Not Google. Not their friends. Certainly not porn.
I find that starting the conversation with age-appropriate books, movies, or TV shows can be a great way to introduce the topic of sex to younger children.
As Arianna and Olivia get older, I plan to continue to have open and honest conversations about sex and sexuality, answering any questions they may have in a non-judgmental and age-appropriate way.
Having Meaningful Discussions
The key to having meaningful discussions with our children is to create a safe space where they feel comfortable asking questions and sharing their thoughts and feelings about sex and sexuality.
I also believe that it is important to discuss values and beliefs around sex and sexuality. By sharing my own values and beliefs with my girls, I can help them develop positive attitudes towards sex and their own sexuality.
Every family has their own set of values and beliefs, so talk to your partner about what is important to your family before conveying it to your children.
Key Elements Of Sex Positive Parenting
Here are some key elements of sex positive parenting that I find essential:
Teaching Consent And Boundaries
One of the most important is teaching children about consent and boundaries.
Boundaries are one of the essential A-Z of parenting skills.
Teach our children that they have the right to say no and that they should respect others’ boundaries as well. This includes teaching them about non-verbal cues, such as body language, and how to recognize them.
Model this by respecting their boundaries from a young age. Don’t force them to do things that they’re not comfortable with, such as giving hugs and kisses to relatives.
Addressing Intimacy
Helping children understand that intimacy is not just about sex but also about emotional connection and communication.
Encourage them to develop healthy relationships and to communicate openly about their wants and needs.
This can start from a young age and may not have to be sex-related. Expressing a need for kind words or a hug is a good start.
Promoting Safer Sex (Dating Or Not)
Sex positive parenting is about teaching our children how to stay safe and empowering them to make informed choices.
This includes teaching children about contraception, STIs, and how to protect themselves and their partners. Be open to encouraging them to get regular check-ups and to practice safe sex when the time is right.
Promoting Positive Body Image
Having a positive body image starts from a young age.
Be a role model for them. Show your children how to love and accept their bodies, regardless of shape, size, or appearance.
This means encouraging healthy habits, such as exercise and a balanced diet, and discouraging negative self-talk.
Addressing Child’s Curiosity About Sexuality
As a sex-positive parent, I want to create an environment where my child feels comfortable asking questions about sexuality.
It’s important to normalize body parts and their functions and deal with uncomfortable questions in an age-appropriate and respectful way.
Normalizing Body Parts And Their Functions
One way to normalize body parts and their functions is to use the correct anatomical terms when talking about them.
For example, instead of using euphemisms like “private parts,” I use words like “vulva” and “penis.” This helps my girls understand that these body parts are normal and not shameful.
It’s also important to teach children about the different functions of body parts.
I explain that the vulva is where urine comes out and where babies can come out when someone gives birth.
By providing accurate information, I can help my girls understand their bodies and feel more comfortable with them.
Dealing With Uncomfortable Questions
Children are naturally curious about sexuality, and they may ask uncomfortable questions. It’s important to respond to these questions in an age-appropriate and honest way.
When Arianna asks a question that makes me uncomfortable, I try to take a deep breath and respond calmly. I remind myself that she is not trying to make me uncomfortable but is simply seeking information.
Then, I try to answer openly and honestly. It’s important to let them know that we’re not judging their curious questions and that there is nothing shameful about wanting to know more about their bodies.
If I don’t know the answer to a question, I tell her that I need to do some research and get back to her. This shows her that it’s okay not to know everything and that it’s important to seek out accurate information.
How Can Parents And Caregivers Ensure They Are The Primary Source Of Information?
As a parent, I want to ensure that my girls come to me first when they have questions about sex and sexuality. Here are some strategies that have worked for me:
The Role Of Social Media And Porn
Social media can be a great tool for connecting with others but can also be a source of misinformation about sex and sexuality.
I make sure to talk to Arianna about the risks of relying on social media or the Internet for information and encourage them to come to me with any questions they have.
Challenging Sex Negativity
Sex negativity is the idea that sex is dirty, shameful, or sinful. But it’s not.
Challenge this idea by talking openly and positively about sex with your children. Let them know that sex is a natural and healthy part of life, and the key is to approach it with respect and responsibility.
Sex Positive Books For Kids
There are many great books out there that can help kids learn about sex and sexuality in a positive and age-appropriate way.
I use these books as a starting point for conversations about sex and sexuality:
I absolutely love this book. It’s designed for children aged 4 and up and uses playful, age-appropriate language and vibrant illustrations to introduce kids to the basics of human reproduction.
This is another gem for sex-positive parenting. This book is geared toward older children, around ages 7 and up, and provides an in-depth yet sensitive exploration of human reproduction, relationships, and puberty.
Even though Arianna is younger than 7, she absolutely loved this book and how easy it was to understand from the engaging illustrations and clear explanations.
From the same author as “It’s Not The Stork!” and “It’s So Amazing!”, this is another outstanding resource that focuses on puberty, sexual health, relationships, and more in a teen-friendly format.
This book is a remarkable tool for parents who want to teach their young children about the importance of safe online behavior and boundaries.
As a parent, I’ve found it incredibly helpful for starting conversations about online safety in an age-appropriate and non-frightening way with Arianna.
This book is suitable for kids aged 8-10 and offers an inclusive and age-appropriate exploration of bodies, gender, and relationships.
If you’re looking to teach your children about the diversity of families and the basics of reproduction in a simple, inclusive way, use this book to help.
It’s suitable for kids aged 2-5 and uses gentle, non-gendered language to explain how babies are made.
This book is geared toward 10-12-year-olds and uses straightforward language to address topics like consent, boundaries, and the emotional aspects of intimate relationships.
Online Resources
Here are some of the online resources I’ve found helpful in preparing myself for further conversations with my girls about sex:
- Sex Positive Families is an excellent online hub that offers a wealth of articles, courses, and tools to help foster open and healthy conversations about sexuality within the family.
- Scarleteen provides comprehensive and inclusive sexual education and support for both teens and parents seeking accurate information and a safe space to discuss matters related to sex, relationships, and sexuality.
- Amaze has a whole list of engaging videos and resources for parents looking to teach children and teens about healthy relationships, consent, puberty, and more.
- Birds & Bees & Kids is a wonderful website dedicated to supporting parents in having age-appropriate and inclusive conversations with their children about sex and relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are some activities that promote sex positivity in parenting?
Here are 7 activities that promote sex positivity in parenting:
- Have age-appropriate conversations
- Read inclusive books on bodies and relationships
- Watch educational videos together
- Encourage expressions of feelings and emotions
- Teach about personal space and respecting others’ boundaries
- Create a non-judgmental atmosphere at home
- Welcome and answer all questions about sex and relationships openly and honestly.
What are some resources for sex positive parenting?
Here’s a list of resources for sex-positive parenting:
- Scarleteen: An informative website for teens and parents.
- Amaze: Provides engaging videos and resources for sex education.
- Birds & Bees & Kids: Offers guidance and materials for parents.
- It’s Not the Stork: This book is great for age-appropriate discussions.
- What Makes a Baby: A book that explores diverse family structures.
How can parents educate their children about sex positivity?
Parents can educate their children about sex positivity with these tips:
- Start early, as early as pre-school age.
- Encourage open, age-appropriate conversations about bodies, relationships, and consent.
- Use accurate language.
- Create a safe space for questions without judgment.
- Utilize age-appropriate books and online resources to talk about respect, consent, and inclusivity.
What are the benefits of sex positive parenting?
These are some of the benefits of sex positive parenting:
- Fosters healthy attitudes toward sexuality.
- Promotes open communication.
- Empowers children to make informed choices.
- Encourages consent education.
- Reduces shame and stigma.
- Helps kids develop self-confidence.
- Nurtures positive relationships and understanding.
- Equips children to navigate a complex world with respect and empathy.
- Fosters stronger family bonds.
How can families become more sex-positive?
Families can become more sex-positive by fostering open communication, using age-appropriate resources to educate children, and modeling healthy attitudes towards sex and relationships. Encouraging questions, respecting privacy, and discussing consent and boundaries are crucial. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space for dialogue helps families embrace a sex-positive mindset.
What are some common misconceptions about sex positivity in parenting?
Here are some of the most common misconceptions about sex positivity in parenting:
- Talking to our kids about sex means it’s okay for them to have casual sex or start at a young age.
We are encouraging healthy, informed choices and responsible behavior.
- Young children cannot understand these topics.
Children become curious about their bodies from an early age. Offer them age-appropriate information using books or online resources.
- It can be done in one talk.
Talking about sex and relationships at home is an ongoing conversation. Encourage an atmosphere of openness and honesty.
Remember that these discussions are not a one-time thing but a journey.
With Arianna, I’ve found that fostering open, respectful conversations about sexuality begins early. And I know I’m ready for Olivia’s questions when the time comes.
Like positive parenting, sex positive parenting is not permissive parenting. It’s about creating a safe space where questions are welcome and where we can guide them with age-appropriate information and values.
So here’s to all of us parents embarking on this important adventure together, ensuring our kids grow up with a healthy understanding of their bodies and relationships. Cheers to a future of empowered, informed, and confident young adults!
