Here is a list of funny breastfeeding quotes that are guaranteed to make you laugh.
When Olivia, my youngest daughter, came along, I was determined to breastfeed. Or die trying.
You see, my attempts with Arianna, my firstborn, had all ended up with me in tears.
- I saw 3 lactation consultants
- She had her tongue-tie corrected (read: snipped)
- I tried numerous galactagogues (in fact, anything that claimed to promote breastmilk)
- I endured months of painful latching
- Followed by months of disheartening pumping
Only to produce a measly amount at every pump, and only enough to feed her for 7 months. Throughout those 7 miserable months, she was supplemented (heavily) with formula and a generous supply of breast milk from my friend.
At the end of those 7 months, when I could barely squeeze anything out of my breasts anymore, I told myself that I had at least tried my best and my baby had had breast milk for more than 6 months. It would have to do.
But I never did shake off the guilt.
In retrospect, I wish that, instead of subscribing to a group of awful, extremely judgmental breastfeeding moms, I had found these breastfeeding quotes to make me laugh and feel less of a failure. Because there is nothing worse than being bombarded by an avalanche of unsolicited advice everyday when you are a new mom flooded with hormones and self-doubt.
So if you’re in a similar position right now, I hope you find comfort in these wise words as I do. Remember that a happy mom makes a happy baby. Read on for 25 of the funniest breastfeeding quotes and let the happy hormones flow.
25 funniest breastfeeding quotes to make you laugh
If ever you need a reason to breastfeed your baby…
There are 3 reasons for breastfeeding: the milk is always at the right temperature, it comes in attractive containers, and the cat can’t get it.
Irena Chalmers
But nobody ever told you how hard it was going to be. It definitely does not come naturally for some of us.
I didn’t take any classes on breastfeeding because I just assumed it was going to be this very easy intuitive thing where the baby sucks on your nipple like a straw….
But apparently, you have to get the baby to latch on at a very specific angle. You gotta tilt their head and do geometry to get them on properly… And every time I would do it, it was like parallel parking.
ali wong
And man, those first few weeks (maybe even months!) where you have to endure the pain. The lip-biting, toe-curling agony of having your most sensitive body part be bruised by barracuda jaws.
Everyone I know who had pain in the beginning says how amazing it was after the first two weeks – that the insane feelings of ecstasy while baby nurses are the best ever, and that it’s so worth the barracuda jaws for two weeks.
Alicia Silverstone
And when your baby starts teething, it’s a whole new level of torture.
Still can’t believe nobody’s ever made a horror movie about breastfeeding a teething baby.
Unfiltered Mama
But we only put up with all the suffering and sleep deprivation because it’s our baby, as Ryan Reynolds said aptly in this quote about his wife’s breastfeeding.
If anything else woke up every 45 minutes during the night demanding to see my wife’s breasts, you kill it.
Ryan Reynolds
And the fact that there is nothing else like it to calm down a crying baby.
Human milk is like ice cream, penicillin, and the drug ecstasy all wrapped up in two pretty packages.
Florence Williams
I mean, really. Have you SEEN a baby the moment you stuff your boob into his/her mouth? There must be something in breast milk that induces such bliss.
An ounce of breast milk is even more potent than the finest tequila.
Tori Amos
But aside from the benefits for your baby, you do it because they tell you it helps with losing all that pregnancy weight. Now, isn’t that a dream? Finally, an excuse to eat.
Breastfeeding. Because you can eat 500 extra calories worth of Oreos. Every day.
Unknown
Through the miracle of breastfeeding, those hamburgers I’m eating are finally going to someone else’s thighs.
Tonilyn
It’s only the best diet in the world. Even your husband would agree.
Breastfeeding: the only weight loss program that increases your chest size.
unknown
But after a year of breastfeeding, you come to the realization that things may not be as they seem. Especially when strangers still think you’re pregnant. I wish I had seen this saying on breastfeeding sooner.
They tell you breastfeeding will take the weight right off. Yeah, maybe if you’re breastfeeding an elephant.
Unknown
So maybe it is all for the baby. Breast milk is the best, isn’t it?
Children don’t just get milk from breastfeeding, they get our energy too.
Stephen Gaskin
Breastfeeding allows you to learn something new everyday.
Niplash n. [Fr. nipple + whiplash]: When a baby decides not to take a break from nursing and suddenly and energetically jerks her head around to look up, down and all around the room (while still firmly latched onto your boob).
Breastfeedchef
And you’ve got to love all the perks that come along with it. It’s such a bonding experience for you and baby.
Nursing is healthy for my baby, and I reap the benefits as well. Like having my boobs bit and my eyes poked.
Walking Outside in Slipper @WalkingOutside
You even get a whole new luxurious experience in the bath. Watch out, Cleopatra, here comes mama.
When you’re a nursing mom, every bath you take is a milk bath.
Courtney @Discourt
And did anyone ever tell you that it’s a full time job?
I’m busy milking all day long. I feel like I have probably lost a good 75 per cent of my brain power… I say it halved itself and it halved itself again. It’s not just the sleep deprivation, it is the breastfeeding and I call it the ‘lactose lobotomy.’
Naomi Watts
If your baby is not calling out to you every few hours, your boobs definitely will.
This breastfeeding quote helped put things into perspective for me. From henceforth, I’m agent double O. Beware my lethal weapons.
Moving forward, instead of leaky boobs, please refer to them as weapons of mass lactation, because breastfeeding is a skill, not a condition.
Unknown
But weapon or not, we are certainly superheroes. We even have the cape to show for it.
If we wear our nursing covers backwards like capes, then everyone can see we’re breastfeeding superheroes.
Cassi Clark
And we have an impeccable fashion sense. So much that we’ve been featured on Time and Vogue magazines.
You know you’re a breastfeeding mom when you decide what to wear based on how easily accessible your breasts will be.
Unknown
Why, even baby becomes a connoisseur of milk.
One does not simply nurse. One allows the milk to roll across the palate.
unknown
But the breastfeeding quote that really hits home for me is this one about pumping. And we’ve all been there. So I just want to say here… it’s okay to cry. It’s even okay to cry really hard, because every drop of breast milk is worth its weight in gold.
Don’t cry over spilled milk. Unless it’s breast milk, in which case, cry a lot.
Unknown
When you’re done crying, take a deep breath and collect whatever milk remains. As long as your breast pump is still working, you can even give it another go. Just don’t let it slip… or at least not when others are around.
That awkward moment when your breast pump slips and makes that weird queefing sound.
Unknown
Speaking of others around you, if you have to feed your baby when you’re out and about, don’t feel bad about it. If a baby needs to eat, a baby needs to eat. I also agree with this breastfeeding quote.
My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding in public is staring too hard.
David Allen
As well as this one, which I will tell Olivia when she is old enough to understand me.
Don’t bite the boob that feeds you.
Unknown
Because unfortunately, this is a one way street and there is no going back… or up.
It gets better and better and better and better. Every cliché is true. Your nipples will heal. Your boobs will not.
Brooklyn Decker
But I wouldn’t change it for the world. It is a truly a feeling like no other, for both baby and mama. And when things get particularly difficult, I always like to remind myself to pause and savor the present moment, because all too soon, they will be babies no more.
The days are long, but the years are short.
Gretchen Rubin
And there you have it, 25 of the funniest breastfeeding quotes. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading them and that they’ve brought a smile to your face today.
I’m proud to say that my breastfeeding journey with Olivia has been more successful this time around. Even if it weren’t, I’m not going to allow anyone to shame me over my parenting choice.
Be proud of your decision, mama, because only you know what’s best for your family.
Remember that at the end of the day, whether breastfed or formula fed, they all grow up and eat chicken nuggets anyway.
