We’ve all seen moms yelling at their kids. Maybe you’ve done it yourself. You’re in the grocery store, and your child is having a meltdown. Maybe they’re hungry, or maybe they’re just tired, but no matter what the reason, you can’t seem to calm them down. And then other shoppers start to stare…
It’s embarrassing, it’s stressful, and it’s downright frustrating. You try to placate them but they don’t seem to be listening. You even try to bribe them with treats as a last resort but nothing seems good enough. All they want to do is cry and scream.
So finally, you lose your cool and start yelling.
It’s not a proud moment, but it happens to the best of us. Moms are human after all, and we can only take so much before we snap. But there are ways to avoid yelling at our kids, even in the most trying of circumstances.
In this post, I’ll share 10 ways to keep moms from yelling at their kids. Hopefully, these tips will help you to keep your cool, even when things get tough.
But first, let’s take a look at why it doesn’t pay to yell at your kids.
Why moms yelling hurts
Yelling is not an effective parenting tool because it not only scares and intimidates children but also lowers their self-esteem. When children are yelled at, they often feel guilty and ashamed, even if they haven’t done anything wrong. This can lead to them feeling insecure and anxious, which can then cause them to act out even more.
Yelling also disrupts the parent-child relationship and can make it difficult for children to trust and confide in their parents. When children feel fear of being punished or yelled at, they’re less likely to want to communicate with their parents. This can lead to behavioral problems down the road, as children will struggle to express themselves and will likely bottle up their emotions.
Lastly, yelling is just plain exhausting. It’s a lot of work to keep up a shouting match, especially when it doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere. Moms are already tired, and yelling just adds to the stress. Have you ever felt so exhausted after yelling at your kids that you just want to fall into a heap and sob? Yes, I’ve been there.
So now that we know why moms shouldn’t yell at their kids, let’s take a look at some alternative ways to handle difficult situations.
10 ways to stop moms yelling
1. Take a deep breath
This one is easier said than done, but it’s important to try to take a deep breath and count to 10 before losing your cool. This will help you to calm down and think more clearly about the situation.
When I feel my breath quickening and the vein in my head about to pop, I will try to take a few deep breaths before responding. It usually helps to diffuse the anger and allows me to think more rationally.
2. Walk away
If you find that you’re getting too angry, it’s okay to walk away from the situation. This will give you a chance to calm down and collect your thoughts.
Before you leave though, it is important to let your child know that you are going away to cool down and will come back for them. Allow space for the feelings, but not the behavior.
Of course, if you are outside, try to limit your distance to a place where you can still keep your child in sight. You don’t want to leave them alone in a potentially dangerous situation.
3. Talk to your child when you’re both calm
Once you’ve had a chance to calm down, it’s important to talk to your child about the situation. This should be done when both you and your child are calm and rational. Try not to bring up the issue when either of you are angry, as it will only lead to more yelling.
When talking to your child, be sure to listen to their side of the story as well. This will help them to feel heard and understand that you are taking their feelings into account. Teach them other ways to express their feelings. It will go down much better when they are calm.
4. Use positive reinforcement instead of yelling.
If your child is behaving well, praise them and let them know how proud you are. This will encourage them to continue behaving in a positive manner.
Sometimes, children just want our attention, no matter the form. When moms yell and focus on the bad, we’re not only neglecting to mention the good, but we’re also teaching them that this is the way to get our attention.
Let this be your new mantra, moms: “Praise the good and ignore the bad.”
For more inspiration, read some of the positive parenting quotes from this page.
5. Choose your battles.
Not everything is worth getting upset over. If it’s not a big deal, let it go and move on. There will be other bigger battles to choose from later.
You also don’t want to set the precedent that everything is a battle. If everything is a fight, then that’s just a one-way road to burnout. Choose your battles wisely and reserve your energy for the things that truly matter.
Ask yourself if it’s really such a big deal to say yes to their requests. If it’s not going to hurt anyone or cost you an arm and a leg, try to go along with their plan. You might just end up being pleasantly surprised at what they come up with.
6. Use positive language.
Instead of yelling, try using positive language to get your point across. This will be more effective in the long run and will help to create a better relationship with your child.
For example, instead of saying “Don’t touch that,” say “Please keep your hands to yourself.”
Instead of “Be quiet,” ask “Can you use a softer voice?”
For more ideas on how to use positive language with your toddlers, read this post.
Children sometimes find it challenging to understand the concept of negatives when we say “No”, “Don’t” and “Stop”.
When we use direct and specific requests such as “Please walk” and “Please use kind words”, it allows them to focus on the positive behavior instead of the negative one.
7. Redirect their energy.
If your child is acting up, try to redirect their energy into something more positive.
If they’re running around like a wild animal, suggest going for a walk outside.
If they throw things when they’re angry, offer a ball for them to throw outside instead.
If you have a screamer, put on some music and teach them how to do the “silent scream” where they close their eyes and pretend to scream without making any noise.
The important thing is to find an activity that will calm them down and help them to focus their energy in a more positive way.
8. Put yourself in their shoes.
Try to see things from your child’s perspective and understand why they’re acting out. This will help you to be more understanding and compassionate.
For example, if your child is acting up because they’re tired, try to let them take a nap or have a quiet time. If they’re hungry, feed them a healthy snack or meal.
If they’re bored, come up with some fun activities for them to do.
Children are often acting out because they need our help in some way. If we can identify their needs, we can better meet them and avoid the conflict altogether, saving ourself from becoming a yelling mom yet again.
9. Have a sense of humor.
This can be difficult in the moment, but if you can find humor in the situation, it will help diffuse the tension.
For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, try to imagine the looks on the other shoppers’ faces.
Or, if they’re refusing to get dressed for school, picture them walking into class in their underwear.
It’s not always easy, but moms have to have a sense of humor to get through the tough times. And if you end up cracking a laugh over the situation and your child decides to join in, then all the better!
10. Remember that you’re not perfect and that it’s okay to make mistakes.
The same goes for our children. They’re human beings too and they’re going to make mistakes. It’s important for them to learn from their mistakes and to know that it’s okay to be imperfect.
Reassure them that you love them even when they’re upset and angry and you are there to help them through it.
And most importantly, don’t forget to forgive yourself when you do end up yelling at your child. We all have our moments and we’re only human after all. Just promise yourself that you’ll try to do better next time.
Don’t let your guilt eat you up. Let these 10 mom guilt quotes help you feel better.
How to avoid moms yelling in the first place
In addition to the tips mentioned above, here are a few more tips for avoiding stressful situations with your children:
1. Pay close attention to your child’s cues and signals.
If you can sense that they’re starting to get overwhelmed, try to intervene before things get too out of control. Pre-emption is key here.
Take notice of how long it’s been since their last meal. Pack a snack with you if you know that they’re going to need one soon.
Are they getting sleepy? Try to put them down for a nap or have a quiet time before they get too cranky.
Learning to read their signals and cues can do a lot to prevent tantrums and meltdowns.
2. Avoid overstimulation.
Children can get overstimulated when they are swamped with more experiences, sounds, sensations, and activities than they can handle. When this happens, they might cry or get cranky, and often leads to tantrums in toddlers.
To prevent this, try to limit the amount of stimulation your child is exposed to on any given day.
If you know you have a lot planned, try to space out the activities so that there are breaks in between. Allow space for your child to play quietly on their own. And when you’re at home, try to keep things calm and low-key.
3. Keep a routine.
Children thrive on routine and knowing what to expect. If there are too many changes happening in their lives, it can be overwhelming and lead to a meltdown.
Try to keep a routine for your child as much as possible, especially when it comes to mealtimes, bedtimes, and wake-ups.
If there are unavoidable changes, try to prepare them for what’s coming. For example, if you’re going on a trip, let them know beforehand and explain what will be happening step by step. This way they can mentally prepare themselves and know what to expect.
4. Offer choices.
Children love to feel like they have some control over their lives. Offer them choices whenever you can. For younger children, you want to keep the choices simple.
For example, “Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt?”
“Do you want to eat your carrots or apples first?”
This gives them a sense of power and independence, which can help reduce the chances of a meltdown.
5. Be consistent.
If you tell your child to do something, make sure you follow through. Inconsistency can lead to frustration and meltdowns.
If you’re not able to follow through, try to explain why in a way that your child can understand.
For example, “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you have a cookie right now because you didn’t eat your dinner.”
All that being said, sometimes, there is nothing we can do to prevent our children from having a tantrum as the big feelings just overwhelm their tiny bodies. One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them the space to work through their emotions.
If they’re feeling angry or frustrated, let them know it’s okay to feel that way. But let them know that it’s not okay to hit or throw things.
Encourage them to use their words to express how they’re feeling. If they’re not ready to talk, that’s okay too. Just let them know that you’re there for them and that you love them.
I hope you’ve found these tips helpful, and that they help you to avoid yelling at your kids. Remember, moms are not perfect, and it’s okay to admit that you sometimes yell at your children. Just try to be mindful of the things that trigger your anger, and take a deep breath before reacting. And if all else fails and you become a yelling mom again, go ahead and apologize to your kids and promise to do better next time.
